Lockout

In the future, there will be prisons in space - ultra maximum security facilities from which escape is impossible! But when the President's daughter goes to investigate rumours of the prisoners being mistreated, a screwup leads to all of the prisoners escaping and capturing the facility. It's up to secret agent Snow to get aboard the station and get her out.

An okay movie, this. The plot is almost directly ripped off from Escape From New York, which is a far better film, and that does make it pretty predictable. But if you're willing to ignore that there's some fun to be had, primarily from Guy Pearce who provides some laughs as the constantly wisecracking Snow, and Joseph Gilgun as Scottish psychopath Hydell.

All in all it's not great, there's nothing really memorable about it, but neither is it particularly offensive. It's... okay.

Man on a Ledge

Nick Cassidy was a cop - until he was imprisoned for stealing a diamond valued at $40 million from a New York businessman. Now he's escaped from prison and, depressed over the way his life has gone, is standing on the ledge of a hotel, ready to end it all...

...or is he? Detective Mercer is a specialist in dealing with potential suicides, but she can sense that something isn't quite right about this one. Cassidy is playing a game... but to what end?

Decent little thriller, this one takes a good premise and works it well for most of the movie. In the last 25 minutes or so it all goes a bit over the top, and a chunk of the good will it's built up is squandered. But all in all it's not too bad.

Mirror Mirror

A take on the Snow White story, Mirror Mirror is simply not a very good film. Julia Roberts puts a decent effort into playing the evil Queen, but frankly she's just not very convincing - it doesn't help that she puts on a posh British accent that she then proceeds to forget to use about every fifth line. Lily Collins does an okay job as Snow White, but bizarrely she has a pair of huge eyebrows that look like a pair of caterpillars crawling across her face. And the whole thing just feels kind of small and not terribly impressive.

Safe House

Matt Weston is a low level CIA agent who manages a "safe house", a place where agents can go when they need a place to hide out for a while. When rogue agent Tobin Frost is brought in after being captured, the safe house is attacked and virtually everybody there murdered. Weston manages to escape with Frost, but finds himself on the run from assassins who seem to know his every move and are determined to kill him.

Pretty good action movie, but nothing really special. Ryan Reynolds is convincing as Weston. Although Denzel Washington does his usual professional job, his Tobin Frost is really just the same "edgy, might be a bad guy or might not" character that he's played several times now.

Safe

After a run in with the Russian Mafia, cop Luke Frost's wife is murdered and he is given an ultimatum; he will be left alive, but from now on he will be constantly watched and any person he so much as has a conversation with will be killed. Frost wanders through life, avoiding all human contact - until one day, he chances across a young Chinese girl who is being pursued by a ruthless gang of criminals. The girl is a math prodigy, and the gangsters have used her to memorise the key numbers of their dirty dealings. Now she has escaped, and Frost is determined to protect her at all costs.

A decent premise for an action film, the setup promises "Luke Frost beats up everybody in New York" but it really fails to deliver on that. The second half of the film becomes a bit of a damp squib, and you can't help but feel let down.

The Hunger Games

Katniss Everdeen lives in an unpleasant world - most of the land is poisoned, so food is constantly scarce. The dominant city, Capitol, holds an annual "Hunger Games", a brutal tournament where one boy and one girl from each of the outlying districts must fight to the death to win extra food for their district. When Katniss's young sister is chosen, she volunteers to take her place - and embarks on a journey that will take her who knows where.

A good film that remains broadly true to the books whilst altering some of the details. An enjoyable romp that makes a few points about television and society along the way. Well worth a watch.

Alice in Wonderland

Tim Burton's take on the famous story has an 18 year old Alice who has put Wonderland behind her, writing the whole thing off as a strange dream she had as a child. And yet, Wonderland has not forgotten Alice - for the Red Queen's tyranny reigns across the land, and Alice is the only one who can help. But with no memory of her previous visit, Alice must learn to the navigate the terrors and wonders of Wonderland once more.

Tim Burton's take on Alice is a rather strange, if not unenjoyable tale. It can be so odd that it threatens to lose the audience at times, but ultimately it's worth watching just to enjoy the ride through this crazy world.

Ghost Rider Spirit Of Vengeance

The Devil has a son, a boy who is being raised by a Human woman. The Devil thinks that the time has come to claim the boy and use him to further his plans... but there are those dedicated to protecting him. How does one resist the Devil himself? Why, by recruiting a supernatural bodyguard of one's own, of course. Enter Johnny Blaze, AKA the Ghost Rider.

Well, it's about like the last one really. Considerable noise, relatively little substance. Nicolas Cage raises his over-acting to whole new levels with this one, which makes it actually rather comical in parts. Not a good film in any way.

Iron Sky

You see, what happened at the end of World War II was that some Nazis escaped in flying saucers and set up camp on the "dark" side of the moon. There isn't a dark side of the moon, but they did it anyway, damn it! Now it's 2018 and a US mission to the moon disturbs the Nazis, who decide the time has come for their war on Earth!

This is a parody, and there is genuine potential here for it to be a good parody. And it tries hard, it really does. But it just makes misstep after misstep. There's a whole subplot about a couple of Nazis who come to Earth to buy phones... for the computers inside them, see... and they kind of bum around a bit and then become advisors to the President in her election campaign. It just kind of meanders along making no real sense, and it's really just not funny at all.

Some of the scenes are also unwisely judged knock offs. They actually do the "Hitler rant from Downfall" thing... like there haven't been 10,000 of those stuck on Youtube already? And they do a kind of "Star Wars : How it Should Have Ended" knock off, not to mention a Dr. Strangelove ending. You can see what they're going for but perhaps it was unwise to remind the audience of smarter parodies and better films.

All in all, this is a deeply unfunny film and a terrible waste of potential.

The Mutant Chronicles

In ancient times, a great machine descended from the sky. The devilish thing caused those dragged into it, dead or alive, to mutate into hideous mutants bent only on securing more victims for the machine. The evil machine was eventually defeated and sealed under a great stone seal, deep beneath the Earth. But when a war in the 2700s breaks the seal, the machine is free to begin the horrific process once more.

This may not be the worst film I've ever seen - I've seen Starcrash, after all. But it's certainly a contender. It's just awful in every way. The steampunk aesthetic makes no sense at all, the story is stupid, the mutants aren't particularly horrific, the special effects are anything but special. There's just nothing about it to enjoy. It was a genuine chore to watch.

Star Trek

Strap in and prepare to boldly go, as JJ Abrams reboots the Star Trek franchise! The premise is that a Romulan from the Trek we all know and love has come back in time and changed history... killing James T. Kirk's father and thus subtly altering the lives of all the classic Trek characters and taking them in a new direction. Kirk is now a rebel, a trouble causer whose life has never amounted to much - until he crosses paths with Captain Christopher Pike, a Starfleet officer who points out that his father saved hundreds of lives with his sacrifice and tells Kirk "I dare you to do better."

Does this film trample over previous Treks a little? Yes it does. Does it have a few plot holes? Yes it does. But it is also a fast, fun, exciting romp that engages your interest and never lets it go. And you have to admire the sheer courage of a bunch of actors who took on iconic characters and actually made it work. For sheer entertainment value this is one of the best films of the last five years, and is HIGHLY recommended.

Journey 2 : The Mysterious Island

Young Sean Anderson picks up a faint radio signal he believes he might have located a clue as to the whereabouts of his grandfather - an explorer who vanished whilst seeking they fabled Mysterious Island which Jules Verne wrote about. Sean partners with his step father, Hank, to go in search of the island. Naturally they find it, and are confronted with various "amazing" and dangerous things.

A very silly film, all in all. It never bothers to build any suspense about the existence of the island - Hank works out where it is within about three minutes of starting to look for it, and their journey to it basically consists of just flying there. Once there, the island comes across as silly rather than mysterious - Atlantis is on it, for no particular reason, and apparently the whole island is about to sink because there's a volcano on it that erupts pure gold. Michael Cain turns up as the grandfather... guess he wanted to do something his grand kids would like or something?

Oh, and the 3D engages in the very worst kind of "throw things out of the screen at the audience" nonsense. It's distracting!

Super Shark

When an oil company uses a dangerous new chemical method to assist in underwater drilling, they breach an underground cavern and unwittingly release the terror of the seas - Super Shark! A giant invulnerable shark that can both walk on land and fly! It is up to marine biologist Kat Carmichael to track down the monster and defeat it. But what can she do against a monster that can take on even the might of the US military?

There are bad films, and there are BAD films, and then there is Super Shark. Everybody in this looks vaguely embarrassed to be there. It is possibly the worst film I've ever seen... but, as is sometimes the case, it does give rise to some "so bad you can laugh at it" humour. And oh my, does it have a catchy upbeat theme tune! Yes it does! Sing with me now... 'he's bad as can be, on the land and on the sea... Super Shark!"

John Carter

John Carter is a man fed up of the war and death of 19th century America. When some soldiers attempt to press him back into service to fight the Indians, he manages to flee and finds himself encountering a strange figure in a cave. The man has a device which transports John to "Barsoom", an alien planet where he finds himself captured by the four armed Tharks. Barsoom is being consumed by a war between the cities of Helium and Zodanga; John Carter only wants to return home, but soon find himself becoming embroiled in the power struggle between the two cities.

John Carter's worst flaw is that it is just... mediocre. There's nothing really badly wrong with it, but nor does it ever really rise to any great height. It just kind of plods along. Thanks to decades of movies that raided the source material we've also seen much of this before, which makes the film feel quite derivative and unoriginal. That's not at all fair, but there you go.

This Means War

CIA agents and best friends FDR Foster and Tuck Henson both find themselves both dating the same woman, Lauren Scott. The two become gradually more competitive, using their secret agent skills and technology to try and out-do one another in their attempts to woo Lauren - all whilst she remains blissfully unaware. Things become even more complex when an old enemy resurfaces, determined to take revenge against the two men.

This is basically a by the numbers romcom. The premise is nice and straightforward, and all involved play their parts well enough. Poor Lauren is somewhat shortcut as a character, though - when she finally discovers that her two suitors have been lying to her the entire time, she is no more than mildly annoyed with them. And within minutes of that happening the bad guy is threatening her life, yet again she simply accepts it and moves on. There really needed to be that whole sequence where she says "to hell with both of you!" and storms off, forcing the boys to have to come clean and try to win her back honestly. But it just skips that completely and wraps things up in a nice big and slightly nonsensical bow.